Becks working on his 4th (kid, not goal)
The Sun is reporting that Becks and Posh moving from a 3-man to a 4-man backline.
Monday Morning Pescadito (RIP): May 12, 2008
A column about my favorite commentary subjects: unnecessary laziness and flashy brilliance.
Your weekly Transcendentalist Horoscope
Random yet oddly appropriate quotes from Henry David Thoreau’s Walden.
Sometimes, after staying in a village parlor till the family had all retired, I have returned to the woods, and, partly with a view to the next day’s dinner, spent the hours of midnight fishing from a boat by moonlight, serenaded by owls and foxes, and hearing, from time to time, the creaking note of some unknown bird close at hand. These experiences were very memorable and valuable to me…
FCD vs. Salt Lake Utes
MMP Prediction: 2-2
Actual Result: 1-2
El Pescadito (RIP) is the wrong former FCDer to analyze this game. This wasn’t a game of laziness and flashiness, this was a game of goofy failure. Indeed, to stick with the whole “returning” theme, this was not a Pescadito (RIP) game, this was a Clarence Goodson game. Though it didn’t feel as such, ESPN reports the possession as fairly equal. I thought RSL had a clear edge but they failed to be dangerous with it, certainly not dangerous enough to deserve 2 goals. But thats just how things work when we go and Clarence it all up.
Obviously the Clarence Goodson Man of the Match goes to Dario Sala for 2 very bad goals right in the middle of “Definitely *not* Sala Territory” (TM). I love Dario, but as predicted in my original column on the topic, he loves to come off his line and is rarely convincing. A keeper has to be able to clear the ball in tight space, and I don’t even want to discuss the second goal.
I just want to make this clear: Sala made some good saves, even a great one. That’s the Clarence Goodson influence: overall good play but with 1-2 total brain farts per game.
In contrast, Kenny Cooper’s goal was awesome, for which he was awarded an MLS Goal of the Week nomination and the Pescadito (RIP) Man of the Match. It had just the right mix of power and placement, and aside from maybe Gallindo, Twellman, and Angel, I’m not sure any other striker in the league has the combination of athleticism and striking prowess to pull that off (no, Landycakes, you would have gotten pushed off the ball). Unfortunately, the MMP MotM might be the only award Kenny gets for that goal, because I frankly don’t think he has a chance to beat out Blanco.
Everyone else is saying it, so I might as well save myself 1,000 words and just throw up a picture:
With Toja on the wing of a 3-4-3 instead of the CAM in a 3-5-2, almost all the play went up the other wing. Some of this was due to RSL possessing mainly on Rocha’s side due to Beckerman’s presence there, some of this was due to RSL closing on JT like 4th graders on an ice cream truck. I don’t think its all injury and fitness issues, either. Whenever a player has a break-out year, teams learn how to adjust to an individual player’s style and neutralize him as best they can. This usually leads to a sophomore slump until said star is able to add enough to his game to keep the opposition honest. I have no clue what needs to happen, so I’ll leave it up to him, Stevie Morrow and company. But it would be criminal to let his talents go to waste.
WTF Commentary gets a promotion to the FCD game analysis this week. Admitted Dave Dir wannabe and stand-in color guy Bob Sturm stated that Kenny Deuchar was an “established SPL player”. Fail. He played for Gretna, which makes him an established SPL punching bag for all of 7 months. Before that he played for St. Johnstone, not an SPL team. His first senior side was Falkirk, which didn’t arrive in the SPL until four seasons after he left. He did score a brace against Rangers, but that was before they went into their Cave of Ugly Defensive Football, from which they might never emerge.
Davino continues to do well. If he continues to give these smart defensive performances and scrapes one or two game winning headers, his signing should be declared an unqualified success.
And, for the record:
Dax McCarty + Dirty Sanchez = Kenny Cutler
I saw several other games this weekend, but few are worth commenting on until I can stockpile some more Cuauhtemoc Blanco jokes. Or if I can find that picture of Taylor Twellman looking like he wants to spank someone (which was not surprisingly edited out of the MLS Goals of the Week video).
Minutiae
Speaking of Clarence, I went to check in on the guy. Looks like he’s played in 5 of 6 games and scored 1 goal for IK Start, who are undefeated and are favorites to be rejoin the Norwegian 1st Division next season. Best name for a team in the Norwegian 2nd Division: Odd Grenland.
As an American Citizen, I am apparently required to mention Fulham. Obligation met.
and your Weekly Namesake Update
Does anyone really care anymore? We’re almost a quarter of the way through the season and he’s only played in one game (a blowout loss).
Monday Morning Pescadito (RIP): May 5, 2008
A column about my favorite commentary subjects: unnecessary laziness and flashy brilliance.
Well, I intended to post on the 27th, but sometimes that just don’t work out… luckily I’ve got some extra material for this week and for when we play NE later this season.
Your weekly Transcendentalist Horoscope
Random yet oddly appropriate quotes from Henry David Thoreau’s Walden.
This pond has rarely been profaned by a boat, for there is little in it to tempt a fisherman.
FCD vs. San Jose Bench Warmers
MMP Prediction: 0-0
Actual Result: 0-0
I should really publish these predictions in advanced. Believe it or not, I even had us losing 0-1 to New England.
I was so confident that this would be a 0-0 game that I left the TV to swing by Taco Bueno during halftime, narrowly breaking my “No Bueno before 10pm” rule. By the 75th minute I should have just turned it off, because Dallas was clearly playing for a draw with Dario Sala’s antics (Salantics?) in up-by-one-goal form, and San Jose’s finishing was inspired by the movie Signs.
I knew I’d be able to recycle this thing:
As a matter of fact, with such boring game its pretty much impossible to hand the MMP MotM to any of our players. I’m giving Steve Morrow the benefit of the doubt on whether a draw was the game-plan, and I won’t retro-actively give it to Arturo Alvarez for the New England game (the dive and the hair), so I’m going to have to look off the field for the MotM performance. Instead, the Pescadito (RIP) Man of the Match goes to the International Football Association Board for making the goal 7.32m x 2.44m in size. Cause if it would have been 15m x 5m, San Jose would have dropped 20 goals on us, easy. Their finishing really was that bad.
Sorry, that’s the best I can do. I’ve gotta work with what’s in front of me. If you want a real MotM, it was Pablo Richetti. I’d be suprised if anyone disagrees with me on that one. We need to get him into a position to put more crosses into the box. If he has a couple more crosses like the one he had Saturday night, we’ll have to change his name to Figo Richetti. And the more I think about it, Artie did have a pretty crap game.
Are people from Central Florida especially vulnerable to sports hernias? Seriously, Daxy (Orlando) and “Bake” Wagner (Tampa) both caught this bug. As a Tampa-born individual myself, if I ever have to run off to Germany, you’ll know why (not the beer).
When do I start giving credit to a defense that has only allowed 1 goal in the last 4 games? Maybe next week, we’ll see. Thousands of people in Mexico City are crying, however, at what they thought they wouldn’t miss.
Finally (notice how I’m taking HDT’s advise and not talking about the game much?), I’d like to state on the record that dallas.theoffside.com has officially made it annoying to search for images. You see, instead of normal player rankings, he gives each 1-10 player rating value a girl based on some inconceivable notion of attractiveness (his formula must be more complicated than Lindsey Lohan’s mental state). Fine, whatever. But try searching for Blake Wagner on Google Images, and this is a collection of what you get (how am I supposed to stay focused?):
Blogging is a hard life, but someone’s gotta do it.
… and now for other games I happened to glance at:
Toronto Hooligans 1-1 New York Has-Beens and Will-Bes-Somewhere-Else
Really I just want to talk about streamers. But I’ll wait till the WTF Commentary. It should be noted that this corner was one of Red Bulls’ best chances on the night (the resulting header was about 2 feet off).
FC Dallas plays the Red Bulls again on June 21. So I’m starting a campaign to either get Jozy Altidore to move to Europe before then or at least seriously distract him. (And for the record, I think the move would only help the MNT out)
Columbus Haven’t-Convinced-Me-Yet 2-1 Kansas City Told-You-To-Not-Believe-The-Hype
Firstly, Columbus fans are obviously jealous of our Neighbors to the North:
It is passed time to talk about Adam Moffat. For some strange reason, he was subbed out rather early in the 2nd half to get a young ‘un some experience (pull out Eddie Gaven, seriously), and the Crew’s attack immediately started to fall apart. But enough about Columbus, I want to talk about this guy’s trip across the pond, where Columbus was not the intended destination.
Clan Moffat has a significant history in Scotland, dating back until at least the 10th Century. They were influential at the time of William Wallace. They fought alongside Robert the Bruce. In 1314, an Adam Moffat fought in the Batte of Bannockburn. They feuded with Clan Johnstone.
So the question I pose to you is this: Why would a man leave the place his ancestors have lived for a thousand years to move to… get this… Cleveland? I mean… Cleveland. To play for the Cleveland City Stars. In Cleveland, the river catches fire like something directly out of Dante. Boggles the mind. He should have at least tried to catch on with Gretna first.
Nathan, perhaps you could enlighten us as to what this is like.
WTF Commentary of the Week
Now I’m a huge PTI fan, and I love Michael Wilbon like an uncle. And PTI really only discusses soccer when Tony Kornheiser has the day off and Dan Le Betard (who I rip on constantly) makes an appearance. Wilbon has even made a cameo on ESPN2 Thursday Night Soccer. But Friday he proved he hasn’t had enough soccer edumacation:
Le Betard: In last night’s New York-Toronto match-up, Red Bull Claudio Reyna was swamped by streamers as he attempted a corner kick. Apparently this happens all the time in Toronto. The announcer [editor: JP Dellacamera for ESPN] even said that to call this atmosphere tremendous, might not do it justice. Mike — guys are running down the field with streamers wrapped around their waste. Do you consider this homefield advantage or simply unfair?
Wilbon (angry): Neither, its minor league. I’m sorry, that’s an insult to the minor leagues. Its bush league, ok, its just garbage. The MLS people get all upset, the soccer heads, all the soccer purists who see every game as a novella, up and down the pitch: shut up! You have a junk product like that, you can not have people…did you see Major League Baseball…
Le Betard: (tries to jump in, fails)
Wilbon (in a Bill O’Reilly rage): I’m angry, I’m going to go Buzz Bissinger on the MLS.
Le Betard: (tries again, same result)
Wilbon: Because, when you do… Seriously, is the World Series contested with a pitcher pitching in confetti and streamers? This is garbage and if this league wants to be taken seriously in North America, clean up the garbage.
Le Betard: I will say this, if you do this in basketball, Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson are going to come and get you in the stands.
Wilbon (totally serious sounding): And they should.
Le Betard: No, no, they shouldn’t. But sports would be more fun if people were running around with toilet paper on their uniforms.
Wilbon: Don’t defend this, ok?
Le Betard: (tries to defend, cut off)
Wilbon: no, no, no, no
Le Betard: You’re unreasonably outraged by this.
Wilbon (outraged): No I’m not, I’m not. I’m outraged, its just stupid. Its not competition. Soccer fights this battle, where it wants to be right there with baseball and basketball and football. That’s one of many reasons they’re not.
Le Betard: God.
Michael, two things:
- Please don’t give any advise to Barack Obama. We don’t need CNN going nuts over video of a Stephen Jackson sympathizer.
- Maybe you should look at a map of North America:
Claudio Reyna stated that he was used to the streamers because of his visits to Central America with the MNT. Mikey probably should have at least read what Reyna had to say.
-
So throwing streamers into the stands is worth this rant, yet in hockey players can knock the crap out of each other? At this point, the NHL is probably trying to figure out how corporations can sponsor brawls (“If a player loses a tooth in a fight tonight, everyone gets a $2 off coupon for their next visit to Applebee’s”).
Of course, streamers are still not as cool as this:
Minutiae
I predict either Chivas USA or Houston won’t make the playoffs, there just won’t be enough slots, especially since it looks like the West might only have 3 playoff spots (again). You heard it here first.
If you’re like me, you’ve thought “What’s Eric Wynalda up to?” at least 5-6 times since ESPN canned his ass. Not cause the guy is so likable, just for shits and giggles. Turns out the closest he can come to a soccer field is as far away from a microphone and camera as humanly possible: playing for a PDL team! Shits and giggles indeed. Having said that, I did the research last weekend (and never published it), but if you don’t count penalty kicks, Wynalda has a not only a higher goal total, but a higher goal/game number than Landycakes.
I’ve made my fair share of Romanian jokes (ok, more than my fair share), but this ain’t anything to joke about. This is probably the most angry a soccer story has made me all season, and I’ve read plenty of stories about what Rangers fans have been up to. UPDATE: The Dinamo-Steaua game he references went 2-1 to Dinamo while CFR Cluj won 1-0. Maybe there is justice in this game after all, but we’ll have to wait with 1 more game to play. I’ve got a friend thats a Dinamo fan so I’ll have to let him know how awesome his team is, though I now have a soft spot in my heart for Cluj.
Finally, might Bud Light Lime be the most catastrophic beer decision ever?
and your Weekly Namesake Update
Out of action and probably regretting not playing for the first time cause Chivas made even made Alan Gordon look good and even Becks can score against RSL.
Old Firm Montage
So I still haven’t finished Monday Morning Pesadito yet. These long layoffs are deceptive. Actually, its more like finals week is a pain in my ass. So to keep your monday morning occupied, I stole some of my MMP material to put in a separate post.
In commemoration of the 2nd Old Firm game in twelve days, along with the recent FCD match that pitched a Northern Irishman against a Scotsman, its only appropriate to have a special installment (well, actually the 2nd ever) of Unlikely Degrees of Separation with this Old Firm montage that has two teams with the Celtic theme and four with the Rangers theme. There isn’t any room to label the edges, so some of them might stump you (and I totally gave up on making it neat, I’m not gonna three-color this thing so I cut myself off after 10 minutes of re-arranging things).
There are so many more possibilities! I’m sure that I’ve missed some good ones, like some crap team from northern Scotland who are sub-0.500 and are about to release most of their good players (no, not Gretna). Kudos to anyone who can name every edge.
Also, here’s an idea we can copy for the Dynamo fans. Those yellow things, I’ll give you a hint, they ain’t railings:
By the way, the Celts prevailed 3-2 and Scott McDonald is back on form with a brace. The SPL title just got a little more interesting (not quite as interesting as the EPL title, but I care about as much for the English league as New Yorkers care for Isiah Thomas). Why do they schedule finals week at a time like this?
LA Galaxy and the War on Terror
For those of you expecting a Friday Morning Pescadito (RIP), tough, you’ll just have to wait another couple of days for the best analysis from a supporters website with the initials LT and also containing a hyphen. Its a tough competition, but I dominate it hands down.
Meanwhile, we must discuss Alexi Lalas. Note that this might have absolutely nothing to do with Alexi Lalas — all I know is some combination of morons in the Galaxy front office. But lets be honest, its Lalas.
First, we need a logical model under which we can establish Lalas’ and the Galaxy’s Medal of Honor worthy performance. Ladies and Gentlemen, Jon Stewart:
Next we hear from Goal.com that the LA Nebulae supposedly scheduled a game against the Iranian National Team (according to the Iranians) that never was really scheduled (according to the Galaxy). Since I have nothing else go on, I’ll just make up a scenario under which this quagmire could be achieved:
- The LA Galaxy front office looked this actual world map (pre-existing annotations in red, “brilliant” idea in blue):
- Gals called up Iran and set up a friendly.
- Someone of modest intelligence pointed out that if Iran played in LA there would be a protest on about this scale:
- Gals decided to pretend the whole thing never happened.
Now this leads us back to the heroes Alexi Lalas and the LA Beckhams must be. According to our irrefutable logical model, by providing aid to Iran (by means of a friendly), the Gals are fighting Al Qaeda (probably b/c FIFA won’t approve a Taliban National Team, thus making many an Al Qaeda supporter jealous). Second, by then spurning Iran, we hurt public enemy #1b because they’ll probably have to schedule a decent team for the original fixture date (and thus be beaten down into submission as opposed to running circles around Abel “Traffic Cone” Xavier and gaining loads of confidence).
See, and you all thought the Galaxy was such a disgrace.
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$1 Beer (at Lochrann’s on the Stage from 6:30-7:30)
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Contact Matthew @ 214-705-6744 to take advantage of this goodness!
Monday Morning Pescadito (RIP): April 21, 2008
A column about my favorite commentary subjects: unnecessary laziness and flashy brilliance.
Your weekly Transcendentalist Horoscope
Random yet oddly appropriate quotes from Henry David Thoreau’s Walden.
For I purposely talked to him as if he were a philosopher, or desired to be one. I should be glad if all the meadows on the earth were left in a wild state, if that were the consequence of men’s beginning to redeem themselves.
It has come to my attention that some of you think this section is pointless. However, the third word in the section title should have given that away. I could choose quotes from Shakespeare (too English for my taste) or from Homer (if he ever really existed). However, that would take effort, and that isn’t the Pescadito (RIP) way. Skip over it if you like and leave me to my intellectual superiority complex.
FCD vs. Chivas de Carson Reserves
MMP Prediction: 2-1
Actual Result: 2-0
FCD continue to defy my lowly expectations. The only undefeated team in MLS and top of the West after playing Western Conference champs twice and MLS champs on the road. Really class act.
Unfortunately, all of these teams had question marks (Chivas without their two wings and essentially a reserve team + Galindo, Red Bulls w/o Angel, Houston in pre-season form), but the good news is that we’ve yet to play the real crap teams, so to steal from Max Bretos, yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaah! I’ll take scheduling luck any time, cause my real fear was that we’d take our early season monster schedule and bomb, thus hurting our confidence for the rest of the season. Having said that, we all know what this team tends to do come September, so its safe to say that everyone should hold on for the ride.
I keep hearing all this talk from Ives about the possibility of a 2nd New York area team. Before the Don considers such, he should consider this:
Ouch. Now Chivas USA has a lot of passionate supporters — especially of the “I’ll never cheer for Becks, Landycakes, and the Nebulae” strain. But their fan base is pretty poor, which I attribute to be a combination of (1) an over-reliance on Chivas de Guadalajara fans while driving away most of Los Angeles’ Hispanic community, (2) a false assumption that Mexican-Americans and other Latin Americans could carry this team, and (3) the Galaxy’s lack of attendance was the result of a lack of focus on Hispanic fans. The really unfortunate part of all this is that Chivas USA is such a better team than the Galaxy — they’re actually worth watching!
Enough about business, back to the game. For all of FCD’s lack of possession in this game, I still have no concerns. I’ll chalk this up to the early goal plus both Juan Toja and Pablo Richetti being injured.
The hallmark moment of this game was the realization that, despite all Ricardinho and Oduro’s talent and promise, Abe Thompson is still the third best striker on this team and the faster we come to accept this the better (HDT agrees, apparently). When Arturo Alvarez played him the ball in the 80th minute you know there was only one thing going through his mind: beat Guzan and put one in the back of the net. His thoughts were not clouded by drawing a foul or earning a penalty. He has one of the best soccer minds on the team and yet his game often seems so simple (again, HDT brilliance — I swear I chose that quote 24 hours before the game kicked off). Clearly, his securing of the 3 points is MotM worthy. However, his earning the points through work ethic and intelligence ain’t exactly the Pescadito (RIP) way, so no MMP MotM award for Abe. Indeed, he is the ultimate un-Pescadito player. Instead, I will remind people that I have always thought highly of Abe Thompson for both his work ethic and his utter manliness, so as a tribute to Honest Abe’s strengths and weaknesses:
Heavy boots of lead
Fills his victims full of dread
Running as fast as they can
Iron Man lives again!
The Pescadito (RIP) Man of the Match goes to Kenny Cooper for a Ruiz-worthy poacher followed by 85 consecutive minutes of being caught out of position. Artie had the better chances down the stretch, but this team played like it had an early goal on the road and didn’t have Chris Gbandi around to screw it all up (remember that? When was the last time you saw a red card and penalty from a set piece while covering someone as worthless as Chris Klein?). At one point Kenny was on the sideline 35 yards from goal and Alvarez was 5 feet from him. Somewhere there’s a AA quote about them playing on opposite sides of the play, or maybe I was just dreaming. At some point he’s going to need to realize that quality is better than quantity. You get a lot more touches on the wing but he’s finished a whopping zero of them. Meanwhile, his 2nd-best-in-the-league 4 goals have come from either being around the box (3: Houston, Chivas) or charging towards it on a breakaway (1: Red Bulls).
I actually thought Duilio Davino and the rest of the defense looked pretty good. Maykel Galindo had some chances (he was basically their only attacking outlet), but with his speed that’s gonna happen. In one of Chivas’ best chances of the game, Davino smartly shouldered the Cuban as he came flying by. Some would say the Galindo totally beat Davino, but the nudge Davino applied knocked Galindo off his balance enough so that his shot was Eddie Johnson worthy.
… and now for other games I happened to glance at:
DC South Americans 1-2 Columbus South Americans
Every Forward and CAM for both teams are South Americans (J Moreno, L Emilio, M Gallardo, Fred, GB Schelotto, A Moreno). The most aggressive non-Brazilian/Argentine/Bolivian/Venezuelan had to have been Robbie Rogers. Of course, every worthless lump of flesh was American (E Gaven).
Memo to D.C. United: The Pope was in your city. Seriously, step it up. Then again…
I was never worried. There was a German pope in town who gave a German Mass. With me being a German coach, I was never worried at all.
Sigi Schmid
Unfair.
Some Lookalikes:
Frankie Hejduk and Gino Padula
Apparently in order to play fullback for Columbus, you have to be sporting a Lt. Dan impression.
Tony Parker and Fred
Ok, let’s see if this lookalike passes the wife test:
Almost dude, just grow 4 more inches (in height, *cough*) and get her a couple of shots of Grand Marnier and Eva may never know the difference. Might help to have a big boat.
Colorado Crapids 0-2 San Jose Fifequakes
Anyone else not buy into the Colorado Rapids hysteria? Well now they’re 2-2, which is distinctly average. I thought Christian Gomez disappeared for large portions of the game (hence DC’s Argentine upgrade) and he’s too important of a player to be pulling Eddie Gavens.
Ronnie O’Brien is the Earthquake’s highest paid player for a reason: his right foot is solid gold. He missed an open net with his left foot, so I had to wonder:
I remember laughing when I learned the Rapids signed Tam “Savior of Crap Teams” McManus. Possibly one of the most inconsistent players evar. Even has his own song:
Tam McManus is magic
He wears a magic hat
And when he first saw East End
He said “I’d fancy that!”
He could have stayed at Falkirk
And Played for Blue and Shite
But instead he came to Athletic
Cause we’re f**king Dynamite
This screams for a Kenny Cooper adaptation (suggestions about how to tone down the language are welcome)
Kenny Cooper is magic
He wears a magic hat
When he first saw FC Dallas
He said “I’d fancy that!”
He could have stayed in England
And played for Fergie’s shite
But instead he came to Dallas
Cause we’re frickin’ Dynamite
It would be nice for Houston games to change the last line to “And kick some Dynamo”. I’m not really big on the shite/Dynamite thing either, but ripping on Alex Ferguson is great fun (sorry Nathan, but he had to go and get knighted).
WTF Commentary of the Week
Let’s venture away from soccer for a minute for a personal pet peeve of mine:
Danica Patrick has now established herself as one of the most successful female racing drivers ever.
Really? Contemplate that statement a little bit. Is that really the best you can offer? “One of the most successful”? Name a female driver who has finished in the top 10. I could only think of one (Janet Guthrie, now 70 years old, who never got higher than 5th).
I hate sappy sports writing! It’s too easy to imitate Dan Le Betard! Though unfortunately it looks like someone is knocking on that door in the soccer world.
Minutiae
I didn’t get to see the Red Bulls game, but apparently the turf in Giants stadium is causing Claudio Reyna to age at Warp 3. Well, technically at Warp 3 he would age slower. But, you get my point and I’ll stop nerding this column up. Moving on…
Club América dumped Davino like Posh Spice dumps her entire 4-month old wardrobe off the thrift store when she perceives its gone out of fashion. Point being, they thought they didn’t need those intangible leadership qualities. Turns out, they be wrong. You see, the most wealthy team in Mexico is putting a new definition to the concept of suckage. They are in dead last place — not just in their group, but in the entire league. They’ve scored 11 goals in 14 games, only 4 goals at home — how do their fans take it? They have 8 points, 2 wins. That’s Gretna worthy. Mexico’s relegation system will protect them, but still… Mo Johnston could lead this team better. Wow, great idea. One more country that will despise him.
Speaking of Mo, I survived the latest Old Firm game (another one this weekend), though Rangers need to suck it up some more and drop another 4 points to other teams. The prospect of a Gers quadruple still sends shivers down me spine. Enjoy some visual goodness:
Shunsuke Nakamura
…. Caldwell v. Weir
……………………………………………………………………………Nacho Novo
……………………………….. Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink
And yes, his name really is “Nacho”. Also, VoH’s name really is that long (supposedly the longest in football). His winner (read: Celtic’s only hope of staying in the race) was in stoppage time.
and your Weekly Namesake Update
Out of action probably cause he didn’t want to get kicked in the shoulder by Ricardo Clark in his 2nd game back from the suspension.
Beautiful
Bada bing, bada boom. This remix comes from our sister club down south (CAP not Tigres) and is their 3rd jersey. Swcheet. Where can I get one?
Monday Morning Pescadito (RIP): April 14, 2008
A column about my favorite commentary subjects: unnecessary laziness and flashy brilliance.
Your weekly Transcendentalist Horoscope
Random yet oddly appropriate quotes from Henry David Thoreau’s Walden.
I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
Instead of actually choosing random snippets from a full version of Walden, I found this at the top of a quote list on the Internets. Which, from now on, will be declared cheating, cause everything in the quote list is _way_ too easy. Transcendentalism requires finding the deeper meaning in things. Or bullshit.
FCD vs. North Jersey Red Bulls
MMP Prediction: 2-2
Actual Result: 2-0
I totally underestimated how much this team needs Juan Pablo Ángel’s finishing ability to rub off on its other players. Jozy Altidore did his best DeMarcus Beasley impression by practically running circles around people but somehow failing to really be dangerous.
Let’s get the nominees for the MMP MotM award out first:
- Juan Toja, for his Ruizesque whining
- Richardinho, for his Ruizesque face-grabbing
- Andre Rocha, for his flashy ball skillz
- Dax McCarty, for reminding us why he’s a midfielder and not a defender
- Drew Moor, for getting owned by Altidore
- Dario Sala, for the shut-out
I’m going to automatically rule out Ricardinho, because I didn’t see what actually happened to him. I was going to re-watch the game but my TiVo choked, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. [Edit: Our friendly friends over at FOX produced this photo (edits mine):]
However, a MMP MotM is like a red card issued to the guy who stood 20 feet from the brawl: once issued, never revoked.
I have to also rule out Daxy. Now the boy just can’t defend on the wing. Between Ashe last week and especially Borman this week, Dax has gotten skooled by folks of similar stature to himself. But this performance doesn’t qualify for a MMP MotM award because the boy just plain works hard.
Speaking of defending. I was uncomfortable on several levels for the amount of time that Drew Moor spent staring at Jozy Altidore’s rear end.
Drew is clearly used to playing against older, slower strikers. While you don’t want to give a guy like DeRosario any space to work with, Jozy is gonna beat you with his speed first, skill second. So just make sure you don’t get toasted.
Juan Toja ain’t game fit yet. He got tackled a couple of times in the 2nd half and just stood there bitching to anyone on the yellow team who couldn’t help but listen even though the play had moved 20-30 yards away. It looked more like he needed a breather and whining was a good excuse. Luckily we didn’t need JT to be on the top of his game. The scoreboard allowed him to channel Pescadito (RIP) and get away with it. Good job with possession though, and since possession is not something Pescadito (RIP) would take any part of, I’ll leave JT off the hook until he gets into 90-minutes shape.
I really don’t want go three weeks in a row giving MotM for crap play. Pescadito (RIP) deserves better (just a wee bit). It can also be awarded for brilliant play. Dario Sala registered his first shutout and is starting to confirm my 2 week old theory. Despite all Jozy’s and Echeverry’s speed, they only registered a couple of quality shots on goal.
After two weeks of being convinced Andre Rocha was within inches of going postal, it is clear he’s getting more used to the MLS style. For all those nifty 180-degree turns with the ball at his feet, aiding in possession, and general Denilson-esque flair minus the Denilson-esque fail, he gets to take home the 3rd Pescadito (RIP) Man of the Match award of this young season. He also is leading the team in assists, which is more prestigious? Considering he got his assist from a sweet cross from the right, maybe we should try a game or two in which Rocha and Dax switch places. This might have a bad affect on shape if Rocha can’t track back fast enough, but Flecha Roja couldn’t manage that either.
Anyone else gaining more faith in this team? Hopefully I’m not speaking too soon, but it is clearly an improvement over last year. Our goals are coming along with possession as opposed to totally pulling it out of our ass. Kenny on 3 goals, AA on 2, and JT with 1. This is totally how Steve Morrow drew it up in the off-season, imagine that! (Actually, you could say HDT predicted it would happen) The back line seems to be getting better and more confident as well, but I’ll hold off on declaring that.
Finally, check out this pic I uncovered. How great is this?
Either these two are abouts to throw down, [insert man-on-man love joke here], or they’re attending some kind of revival meeting. (The previous interpretations were stated in my order of preference.) Serioux does look a little more like a pansy in orange, I must say.
… and now to the only other game I got to see this week…
San Jose Blanks 0-1 Chicago Blancos
So two games in a row that the Quakes really deserve a draw but manage to fall short. Not a very pretty game for not a very pretty team. Ronnie O’Brien has traded creativity for frustration while he plays his role as the town bicycle of expansion teams.
Did anyone see Cuahtemoc Blanco at the end of the game? The heat there must have been ridiculous, cause as FSC interviewed him I thought he would be a candidate for Top 5 Ugliest Men of All Time (sorry Danny DeVito, that wouldn’t displace you from the list). Blanco, exhausted, red in the face and drenched with sweat, was a cross of Drew Carey and Quasimodo. Then again, even in the best of lighting Blanco ain’t exactly a looker, but its ok cause while God got lazy with the sculpting equipment, he did make up for it by giving ‘Temoc the gift of the Bunny Hop. Meanwhile, UT Dallas’ Temoc may be dead before the Fire’s next game.
WTF Commentary of the Week
I had some quality candidates for this, but its time to go local. Specifically, I’m speaking about the commentary that came from within the Los Toros section during the game. Embarrassing. You know what I’m talking about. Serious improvement necessary via a concerted effort. I felt like a redneck listening to Rev. Wright.
Minutiae
The new National Team FIFA Rankings are out… am I the first to point this out:
3 Italy
6 Czech Republic
14 Ghana
21 United States
We really were in the Group of Death during the 06 World Cup. Just goes to prove how good a team Ghana is. Apologies for bringing back the bad memories.
Speaking of bad memories… Glasgow Rangers are un-comfortably close to winning 4 trophies in one season. In case the un-speakable happens, flowers (non-allergenic, please) may be sent here.
and your Weekly Namesake Update
Out of action and probably casually tubing down some Guatemalan cave-river.
(get this one out here again)
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