A column about my favorite commentary subjects: unnecessary laziness and flashy brilliance.
Your weekly Transcendentalist Horoscope
Random yet oddly appropriate quotes from HDT’s Walden.
Such is oftenest the young man’s introduction to the forest, and the most original part of himself. He goes thither at first as a hunter and fisher, until at last, if he has the seeds of a better life in him, he distinguishes his proper objects, as a poet or naturalist it may be, and leaves the gun and fish-pole behind.
How is this relevant? I have no clue… yet. I’m sure I’ll find a way to work it in…
FCD vs. LA-B
MMP Prediction: 1-1
Actual Result: 1-1
Around the 70th minute I had the thought this might just be an “unconvincing win”. Clearly I spoke too soon. I could go through the game chronologically, but there are plenty of people who will do that, so I’ll just stick to this post’s inspiration: laziness and brilliance. Less of the latter, clearly. I’ll go over a couple of things and then award the Pescadito man of the match. This is not necessarily the type of award you want to win (do they still award the Razzies?), but it isn’t necessarily given to the worst player — just the one who most embodies the lackadaisical yet occasionally sublime qualities of Mr Ruiz.
But let me betray the words I just typed real quick and offer a thought on the 3-5-2. It might just be Chivas’ style, but the match seemed to confirm that a 3-5-2 is more vulnerable on the wing. Perhaps this is not that bad of a thing, as most of their shots were easily parried by Dario Sala. Around the 80th minute Stevetoro observed that maybe this formation gives up more shots, but fewer quality shots. This made me think of where we historically have been hurt. I have no data on this, of course, so I could be completely wrong (if you have such data, please share, I can do magical things with data). But essentially this figure popped into my mind (no MS Paint jokes, please, this is a screenshot of my mind (which is a subsidiary of Microsoft)):
Now this is true for most keepers, it is simple linear algebra. The 2-dimensional projection of 3-dimensional space means that the goal posts are essentially closer together when coming up the wing. But I think it is even more true for Dario. Basically, Sala has both the physical skills and playing style to handle most things that come up the wing. His height and albatross-esque wingspan, combined with his excellent anticipation makes it look like he knew where the shot was going before the opponent makes contact with the ball. But it is when the ball is bouncing around the penalty box that my heart skips a beat. Dario was born off his line, and though it makes for great fun when he slide tackles a striker 20 yards from goal, it does mean that his positioning is seldom convincing when an opposing player is streaking down the middle of the park directly on goal. So if the 3-5-2 protects really does protect the front of the net better, then I’ll not get too worked up about all those shots that came off the wing, and just pray they don’t get any shots up the middle.
Of course about 2 minutes after explaining this to Stevetoro, some injured Cuban exile finds the ball smack in the middle of “Definitely *not* Sala Territory”. Yeah… moving on.
The obvious nominee for the Pescadito award is Mr Duilio Davino. His defensive gaff right smack in the middle of “Definitely *not* Sala Territory” cost us the game. But I actually think he played rather well. He plays (and indeed even looks) like Marquez. His slip-up seems like the kind of thing that will be quite rare. And it certainly wasn’t at all lazy, he just mis-played the ball (blame it on Adidas). He didn’t turn the ball over with the astounding regularity of Pitch (a Pescadito MotM nominee) , and he didn’t look like he wanted to bludgeon anyone, unlike our Canadian Bob Marley friend. I think most of the pressure we faced sits on the midfield’s shoulders, and perhaps some on the strikers as well.
I love Andre Rocha. I don’t know why. (BTW, I mean the Andre Rocha above, not the one you see if you do a Google Image search for “Andre Rocha”. ) But I’m counting the days until he drops a hammer punch on someone. It will be funny, and probably flashy, but I doubt it will overcome the pain that the subsequent red card will cause.
We really need a name for Toja’s insistence on playing with every limb touching the ground. Maybe he was raised by wolves. Regardless, his goal was quite nice, and despite the fitness issue, we’re seeing the re-emergence of pre-Charleston Toja.
I don’t remember anything being particularly brilliant (sorry Kenny Cooper — 10 consecutive step-overs that lead that lead to nothing don’t count — don’t worry, Cristiano Ronaldo did that all the time before he ever started scoring goals/prostitutes).
Now for what you’ve all been waiting for, the first ever Pescadito MotM award goes to Blake Wagner for his role in… well… not really having one! This has to be a combination of Blake not being aggressive enough, Morrow’s tactics, and everyone else’s right-eye dominance. It turns out it is possible to get less love than Chris Gbandi, as the play often ran through Rhine, Rocha, Saragosa, and Richetti, but it wasn’t until the very end that Blake managed to get involved. When he wasn’t playing on our side of the field, I went almost 40 minutes not realizing he was playing. Buzz keeps writing about his abilities, so I’m quite sure they are there (after all, if he didn’t have any talent, he would be disqualified from a Pescadito award), I just wanted to see him take guys on when charging into the box instead of crossing way too early. I’m convinced he’s just not playing to his own style, whether its Morrow’s tactics or not, he’s the one who will be benched for performances like that, so one of these days he’s got to take some initiative and do what he’s good at (horoscope fulfilled). Also, despite not playing much of a part, he was able to lead the team in fouls, a stat of which Pescadito himself would approve.
Other games I’ve managed to peek at over the weekend…
New England Cheese Slices 3 - 0 Univ. of Houston Walk-Ons
The knock on Houston coming into the season was about where the goals would come from without Jaqua and Ngwenya. Well, what would you know, people were right. Apart from a rocket free kick from “Sayid” De Rosario, Houston never looked particularly dangerous to me, though Matt Reis did manage to make some nice saves.
People were wondering how New England would score goals without Andy Dorman (of recent St. Mirren fame) and Pat Noonan. But they were replaced by a pair of U-20 Gambians — younger, faster, and more skillful. Even more impressive that Mr. TT didn’t even play.
Shalrie Joseph was my MotM. Especially after Ralston went out injured. He has a combination of physical skills and mental awareness that allow him impose his will on the game with impunity. You get the feeling opponents are moving forward they try to avoid him like I-635 in rush hour (ok, any hour). A shame he wasn’t able to move to Celtic, they could use a real box-to-box central midfielder (especially this weekend). If I knew then what I know now, I might have called in bomb threats to MLS HQ to accept Celtic’s transfer money. Heck, he’s 29, they could get another couple of seasons out of him. Anyway, I digress, it soothes the pain.
The movement and flair from both teams was quite impressive and would certainly have convinced a foreigner of how much MLS is improving. Joseph and Ralston clearly were the cornerstones of the past two seasons, as this team did fine without Twellman, Dempsey, Dorman, Noonan, and Smith. Houston’s midfield is on par, the movement by Ching and De Rosario often makes Mulrooney look like a skillfull holding mid.
Ultimately the goals came off of smart play and tactical proficiency in the final third, which Houston really did lack. Unfortunately, they have a history of slumping early and winning the MLS Cup, so I think the only thing FCD can extract from this is a lack of points for the Orange and the -3 goal differential to even up the standings a little more.
Commerce City Rapids 4 - 0 LA Nebulae
Oh God, LA’s defense can indeed get worse. I get the feeling that by the end of the year people will think that Joe Cannon should have earned the ‘Keeper of the Year award last year just for slowing the bleeding. Why would they start a young goalkeeper with _no_ experience whatsoever? Steve Cronin had more deer-in-the-headlight moments than I could count. Abel Xavier is losing brain cells faster than Jim Breuer in Half Baked. Landycakes needs to learn not to get in a pillow fight every time Ruiz grabs his knee in agony. People will blame this all on LA’s salary cap being so top heavy (literally, they started Beckham, Ruiz, and Donovan on the front line of a 4-3-3), but I look through FCD’s dirt-cheap players and see at least 3-4 guys that could probably start for LA (as well as a temporary member of the Portland Timbers).
Complete gap in class in terms of the technical proficiency from this game and the Rev/Dynapoo game. Clearly the first game had top tier teams while this game was mid-level at best.
Terry Cooke’s real English accent is far more impressive than David Beckham’s fake English accent.
Couldn’t resist…
I’m gonna file the fact that we couldn’t score on the Galaxy in the “Preseason Follies” folder. And by that I mean that trash bin. And it better as hell stay there.
WTF Commentary of the Week
Kenny Deuchar, of Real Salt Lake, came over from Gretna, he’s another guy. Word late is that Real Salt Lake, after Gretna folded, unfortunately, because of their finances, their former captain Chris Innes is drawing interest from the Red Bulls. It’d be great to have another Gretna player over here. Gretna supporters: if you don’t have a team, and you want one, you’ve got Real Salt Lake and maybe the Red Bulls to support in the future. Quite tragic what happened to the Scottish club, hopefully it ends ok at least for the players as they look for a club somewhere.
– Max Bretos
I don’t think Maxy B understands basic sports business. Gretna is going broke because they don’t have any supporters. They averaged 300 fans per game. And why would anyone from the Las Vegas of Scotland (minus the casinos, Rat Pack, night life, and prostitutes) give a damn about Real Salt Lake? Although, to his credit, I haven’t yet decided whether he gains back points (or loses more) for his “It’s Bouna time!” comment.
Minutiae
I watched the Dicks Sporting Goods commercial w/ Davino, Ching, Christian Gomez, and Ben Olsen. My only thought is that Ben Olsen is right, he really can’t act, but he must have other talents off the pitch
…and your Weekly Namesake Update
90 minutes in 0-4 loss to the Rapids. 3 dives, 4 offsides, 0 goals, 0 assists. His first offside came after only 5 seconds into the season. Had to be helped off the field.
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