Monday Morning Pescadito (RIP): April 14, 2008

April 14th, 2008 by KirkBhoy | Posted in MMP |

A column about my favorite commentary subjects: unnecessary laziness and flashy brilliance.

Your weekly Transcendentalist Horoscope
Random yet oddly appropriate quotes from Henry David Thoreau’s Walden.

I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

Instead of actually choosing random snippets from a full version of Walden, I found this at the top of a quote list on the Internets. Which, from now on, will be declared cheating, cause everything in the quote list is _way_ too easy. Transcendentalism requires finding the deeper meaning in things. Or bullshit.

FCD vs. North Jersey Red Bulls

MMP Prediction: 2-2
Actual Result: 2-0

I totally underestimated how much this team needs Juan Pablo Ángel’s finishing ability to rub off on its other players. Jozy Altidore did his best DeMarcus Beasley impression by practically running circles around people but somehow failing to really be dangerous.

Let’s get the nominees for the MMP MotM award out first:

• Juan Toja, for his Ruizesque whining
• Richardinho, for his Ruizesque face-grabbing
• Andre Rocha, for his flashy ball skillz
• Dax McCarty, for reminding us why he’s a midfielder and not a defender
• Drew Moor, for getting owned by Altidore
• Dario Sala, for the shut-out

I’m going to automatically rule out Ricardinho, because I didn’t see what actually happened to him. I was going to re-watch the game but my TiVo choked, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. [Edit: Our friendly friends over at FOX produced this photo (edits mine):]

However, a MMP MotM is like a red card issued to the guy who stood 20 feet from the brawl: once issued, never revoked.

I have to also rule out Daxy. Now the boy just can’t defend on the wing. Between Ashe last week and especially Borman this week, Dax has gotten skooled by folks of similar stature to himself. But this performance doesn’t qualify for a MMP MotM award because the boy just plain works hard.

Speaking of defending. I was uncomfortable on several levels for the amount of time that Drew Moor spent staring at Jozy Altidore’s rear end.

Drew is clearly used to playing against older, slower strikers. While you don’t want to give a guy like DeRosario any space to work with, Jozy is gonna beat you with his speed first, skill second. So just make sure you don’t get toasted.

Juan Toja ain’t game fit yet. He got tackled a couple of times in the 2nd half and just stood there bitching to anyone on the yellow team who couldn’t help but listen even though the play had moved 20-30 yards away. It looked more like he needed a breather and whining was a good excuse. Luckily we didn’t need JT to be on the top of his game. The scoreboard allowed him to channel Pescadito (RIP) and get away with it. Good job with possession though, and since possession is not something Pescadito (RIP) would take any part of, I’ll leave JT off the hook until he gets into 90-minutes shape.

I really don’t want go three weeks in a row giving MotM for crap play. Pescadito (RIP) deserves better (just a wee bit). It can also be awarded for brilliant play. Dario Sala registered his first shutout and is starting to confirm my 2 week old theory. Despite all Jozy’s and Echeverry’s speed, they only registered a couple of quality shots on goal.

After two weeks of being convinced Andre Rocha was within inches of going postal, it is clear he’s getting more used to the MLS style. For all those nifty 180-degree turns with the ball at his feet, aiding in possession, and general Denilson-esque flair minus the Denilson-esque fail, he gets to take home the 3rd Pescadito (RIP) Man of the Match award of this young season. He also is leading the team in assists, which is more prestigious? Considering he got his assist from a sweet cross from the right, maybe we should try a game or two in which Rocha and Dax switch places. This might have a bad affect on shape if Rocha can’t track back fast enough, but Flecha Roja couldn’t manage that either.

Anyone else gaining more faith in this team? Hopefully I’m not speaking too soon, but it is clearly an improvement over last year. Our goals are coming along with possession as opposed to totally pulling it out of our ass. Kenny on 3 goals, AA on 2, and JT with 1. This is totally how Steve Morrow drew it up in the off-season, imagine that! (Actually, you could say HDT predicted it would happen) The back line seems to be getting better and more confident as well, but I’ll hold off on declaring that.

Finally, check out this pic I uncovered. How great is this?

Either these two are abouts to throw down, [insert man-on-man love joke here], or they’re attending some kind of revival meeting. (The previous interpretations were stated in my order of preference.) Serioux does look a little more like a pansy in orange, I must say.

… and now to the only other game I got to see this week…

San Jose Blanks 0-1 Chicago Blancos

So two games in a row that the Quakes really deserve a draw but manage to fall short. Not a very pretty game for not a very pretty team. Ronnie O’Brien has traded creativity for frustration while he plays his role as the town bicycle of expansion teams.

Did anyone see Cuahtemoc Blanco at the end of the game? The heat there must have been ridiculous, cause as FSC interviewed him I thought he would be a candidate for Top 5 Ugliest Men of All Time (sorry Danny DeVito, that wouldn’t displace you from the list). Blanco, exhausted, red in the face and drenched with sweat, was a cross of Drew Carey and Quasimodo. Then again, even in the best of lighting Blanco ain’t exactly a looker, but its ok cause while God got lazy with the sculpting equipment, he did make up for it by giving ‘Temoc the gift of the Bunny Hop. Meanwhile, UT Dallas’ Temoc may be dead before the Fire’s next game.

WTF Commentary of the Week

I had some quality candidates for this, but its time to go local. Specifically, I’m speaking about the commentary that came from within the Los Toros section during the game.  Embarrassing.  You know what I’m talking about. Serious improvement necessary via a concerted effort. I felt like a redneck listening to Rev. Wright.

Minutiae

The new National Team FIFA Rankings are out… am I the first to point this out:

3 Italy
6 Czech Republic
14 Ghana
21 United States

We really were in the Group of Death during the 06 World Cup. Just goes to prove how good a team Ghana is. Apologies for bringing back the bad memories.

Speaking of bad memories… Glasgow Rangers are un-comfortably close to winning 4 trophies in one season. In case the un-speakable happens, flowers (non-allergenic, please) may be sent here.

and your Weekly Namesake Update
Out of action and probably casually tubing down some Guatemalan cave-river.

(get this one out here again)