LA Galaxy and the War on Terror

April 26th, 2008 by KirkBhoy | Posted in Uncategorized |

For those of you expecting a Friday Morning Pescadito (RIP), tough, you’ll just have to wait another couple of days for the best analysis from a supporters website with the initials LT and also containing a hyphen. Its a tough competition, but I dominate it hands down.

Meanwhile, we must discuss Alexi Lalas. Note that this might have absolutely nothing to do with Alexi Lalas — all I know is some combination of morons in the Galaxy front office. But lets be honest, its Lalas.

First, we need a logical model under which we can establish Lalas’ and the Galaxy’s Medal of Honor worthy performance. Ladies and Gentlemen, Jon Stewart:

Next we hear from Goal.com that the LA Nebulae supposedly scheduled a game against the Iranian National Team (according to the Iranians) that never was really scheduled (according to the Galaxy). Since I have nothing else go on, I’ll just make up a scenario under which this quagmire could be achieved:

1. The LA Galaxy front office looked this actual world map (pre-existing annotations in red, “brilliant” idea in blue):

   

2. Gals called up Iran and set up a friendly.
3. Someone of modest intelligence pointed out that if Iran played in LA there would be a protest on about this scale:
4. Gals decided to pretend the whole thing never happened.

Now this leads us back to the heroes Alexi Lalas and the LA Beckhams must be. According to our irrefutable logical model, by providing aid to Iran (by means of a friendly), the Gals are fighting Al Qaeda (probably b/c FIFA won’t approve a Taliban National Team, thus making many an Al Qaeda supporter jealous). Second, by then spurning Iran, we hurt public enemy #1b because they’ll probably have to schedule a decent team for the original fixture date (and thus be beaten down into submission as opposed to running circles around Abel “Traffic Cone” Xavier and gaining loads of confidence).

See, and you all thought the Galaxy was such a disgrace.