A column about my favorite commentary subjects: unnecessary laziness and flashy brilliance.

Your weekly Transcendentalist Horoscope
Random yet oddly appropriate quotes from Henry David Thoreau’s Walden.

Sometimes, after staying in a village parlor till the family had all retired, I have returned to the woods, and, partly with a view to the next day’s dinner, spent the hours of midnight fishing from a boat by moonlight, serenaded by owls and foxes, and hearing, from time to time, the creaking note of some unknown bird close at hand. These experiences were very memorable and valuable to me…

FCD vs. Salt Lake Utes

MMP Prediction: 2-2
Actual Result: 1-2

El Pescadito (RIP) is the wrong former FCDer to analyze this game. This wasn’t a game of laziness and flashiness, this was a game of goofy failure. Indeed, to stick with the whole “returning” theme, this was not a Pescadito (RIP) game, this was a Clarence Goodson game. Though it didn’t feel as such, ESPN reports the possession as fairly equal. I thought RSL had a clear edge but they failed to be dangerous with it, certainly not dangerous enough to deserve 2 goals. But thats just how things work when we go and Clarence it all up.

Obviously the Clarence Goodson Man of the Match goes to Dario Sala for 2 very bad goals right in the middle of “Definitely *not* Sala Territory” (TM). I love Dario, but as predicted in my original column on the topic, he loves to come off his line and is rarely convincing. A keeper has to be able to clear the ball in tight space, and I don’t even want to discuss the second goal.

I just want to make this clear: Sala made some good saves, even a great one. That’s the Clarence Goodson influence: overall good play but with 1-2 total brain farts per game.

In contrast, Kenny Cooper’s goal was awesome, for which he was awarded an MLS Goal of the Week nomination and the Pescadito (RIP) Man of the Match. It had just the right mix of power and placement, and aside from maybe Gallindo, Twellman, and Angel, I’m not sure any other striker in the league has the combination of athleticism and striking prowess to pull that off (no, Landycakes, you would have gotten pushed off the ball). Unfortunately, the MMP MotM might be the only award Kenny gets for that goal, because I frankly don’t think he has a chance to beat out Blanco.

Everyone else is saying it, so I might as well save myself 1,000 words and just throw up a picture:

With Toja on the wing of a 3-4-3 instead of the CAM in a 3-5-2, almost all the play went up the other wing. Some of this was due to RSL possessing mainly on Rocha’s side due to Beckerman’s presence there, some of this was due to RSL closing on JT like 4th graders on an ice cream truck. I don’t think its all injury and fitness issues, either. Whenever a player has a break-out year, teams learn how to adjust to an individual player’s style and neutralize him as best they can. This usually leads to a sophomore slump until said star is able to add enough to his game to keep the opposition honest. I have no clue what needs to happen, so I’ll leave it up to him, Stevie Morrow and company. But it would be criminal to let his talents go to waste.

WTF Commentary gets a promotion to the FCD game analysis this week. Admitted Dave Dir wannabe and stand-in color guy Bob Sturm stated that Kenny Deuchar was an “established SPL player”. Fail. He played for Gretna, which makes him an established SPL punching bag for all of 7 months. Before that he played for St. Johnstone, not an SPL team. His first senior side was Falkirk, which didn’t arrive in the SPL until four seasons after he left. He did score a brace against Rangers, but that was before they went into their Cave of Ugly Defensive Football, from which they might never emerge.

Davino continues to do well. If he continues to give these smart defensive performances and scrapes one or two game winning headers, his signing should be declared an unqualified success.

And, for the record:

Dax McCarty + Dirty Sanchez = Kenny Cutler

I saw several other games this weekend, but few are worth commenting on until I can stockpile some more Cuauhtemoc Blanco jokes. Or if I can find that picture of Taylor Twellman looking like he wants to spank someone (which was not surprisingly edited out of the MLS Goals of the Week video).

Minutiae

Speaking of Clarence, I went to check in on the guy. Looks like he’s played in 5 of 6 games and scored 1 goal for IK Start, who are undefeated and are favorites to be rejoin the Norwegian 1st Division next season. Best name for a team in the Norwegian 2nd Division: Odd Grenland.

As an American Citizen, I am apparently required to mention Fulham. Obligation met.

and your Weekly Namesake Update
Does anyone really care anymore? We’re almost a quarter of the way through the season and he’s only played in one game (a blowout loss).