A column about my favorite commentary subjects: unnecessary laziness and flashy brilliance.

Your weekly Transcendentalist Horoscope
Random yet oddly appropriate quotes from Henry David Thoreau’s Walden.

No HDT quote could possibly describe this game.

FCD vs. Los Angeles Posh-Doesn’t-Even-Care,-David

MMP Prediction: Totally wrong
Actual Result: Whatever

This was a character game. Nothing more, nothing less (hopefully). And we came up short on that front, big time. When Edson Buddle actually reaches his potential, you know something went terribly wrong.

Pescadito (semi-RIP) Man of the Match goes to Carlos Ruiz, for sitting on the bench all game Adrian Serioux. In a character match when you’re getting blown out, I’d rather a guy get red carded than taking the rest of the game off. The red card clearly was given in observance of this MLS rule:

IV. b. i. §. 63: Thou shalt not tackle his excellence, David Robert Joseph Beckham (OBE) of the Queen’s Realm of Leytonstone, England, by the ankle from behind. The penalty for such a tackle shalt be a red card if the tackle werest performed in the open field, or a penalty and mandatory observance of all Spice Girls concerts since 1994 if thou tackle werest made in the penalty area.

Thank God it wasn’t in the penalty area for Serioux’s sake. The scoreboard wouldn’t have noticed either way.

There was definitely some frustration in his foul, but I don’t think it was red card worthy though I can see why the ref might have. Serioux supposedly said “Welcome, baby, welcome” after tackling Becks, but hard tackles are part of the game. After reviewing the play about 5 times through the glory of TiVo, I think its clearly yellow card worthy, but not red card material unless US Soccer is directing its refs to act like Champions League refs. This would scare me, as that style of game management really cuts into the quality of the product.

If you were at the game in Sections 126 or 127 and were witness to the controversy, please write an email about this douche:

Because I really cannot put this game into organized prose, I offer the following Random Thoughts:

• Adrian, if you hadn’t been talking to like 5 blondes after the game, I would have bought you a drink, seriouxly.
• Steve Cronin is by far the worst starting goalkeeper I’ve ever seen in the top flight of any professional soccer league. Seriously. Remember, I’ve watched Tony Caig play at Gretna. I’ve watched Shaka Hislop play in Frisco. I watched Jens Lehmann this season at Arsenal. When Rupert Murdoch decides to bust out Fox Soccer Channel 19, I’m pretty confident the worst goalkeeper in the Estonian 1st Division (otherwise known as the Meistriliiga) will outperform Cronnin. Replace his hands with Mickey Mouse gloves and at least he’ll have an excuse for his butter fingers. This dude is terrible.
• El Pescadito (semi-RIP) almost got into a fight with Serioux. Why? Well I assume that’s what normally happens after revivals like this one:

  

• I didn’t really pay attention during the pre-season game, but Landycakes has lost at least 1/2 inch of hairline since his throat-slash moment:

  

• Dario Sala… nevermind.
• At this point, I’d rather face the Dynamo in the playoffs (if we get there) than the Galaxy.

and your Weekly Namesake Update

Sitting on the bench, in Frisco. How appropriately unnecessary he must feel.

Minutiae

It has been a roller coaster week for Glasgow Celtic. On Tuesday I was sick thinking of how Rangers could win the quadruple. This is an accomplishment held only by Celtic’s famous Lisbon Lions.

Luckily, on Wednesday, months worth of anti-football finally did not pay off for Rangers, who were beat by style, quality, and a load of natural gas money in the form of Zenit St. Petersburg.

My thoughts of Rangers fans was further confirmed by the fact that they created the largest civil disturbance in the UK since 2001 and could harm England’s World Cup bid.

Thinking that Tuesday was the lowest I could possibly go, Thursday proved that reality makes sporting matters seem petty. Former Celtic player, manager, head of youth development, and coach, Tommy Burns passed away after losing a battle with skin cancer. It takes a special person and a humble ego to return to a club that fired you to take up a lower position. Such was Tommy Burns’ love of the club.

Player, 1975-1989

Manager, 1994-1997

Coach, 2005-2008

Words cannot adequately describe what many people feel for this man, though plenty of people tried (1, 2, 3, 4, 5). Having never seen Tommy play in person, I’ll leave the words to fellow Toro, Nathan, who has:

Tommy was one of those players who never really got all the credit he deserved. I was surprised when I saw the interview with Gordon Strachan to see him balling his eyes out. I remember going to a Celtic vs Aberdeen game as a kid when Tommy Burns chopped down Strachan and was red carded - it was a pretty vicious tackle - Ian Scanlon started inciting the crowd to shout “OFF!”.. I think it’s safe to say that as players Strachan and Burns shared more than a few harsh words.. obviously that changed.

From the video linked above, it is clear that Gordon Strachan had found an incredible friend in Tommy Burns. After Celtic’s 3-2 victory against Rangers weeks earlier, Strachan quickly left the stadium to attend Burns’ home parish, St. Mary’s in Calton (appropriately enough, where Celtic was founded), for a prayer vigil.

On Saturday, Motherwell and its manager Mark McGhee, teammate of Tommy at Celtic and long-time friend, gave Tommy one last gift in the form of a 1-1 draw against Rangers, putting control of the SPL title back in Celtic’s hands.

Tommy Burns, age 51, 1956-2008

Equally tragic, earlier in the season, Phil O’Donnell, Motherwell captain and player for both Tommy Burns and Mark McGhee, suffered from a heart attack while on the pitch and passed away at the age of 35.