A column about my favorite commentary subjects: unnecessary laziness and flashy brilliance.Your weekly Transcendentalist Horoscope
Random yet oddly appropriate quotes from Henry David Thoreau’s Walden.

As I walked on the railroad causeway, I used to wonder at the halo of light around my shadow, and would fain fancy myself one of the elect. One who visited me declared that the shadows of some Irishmen before him had no halo about them, that it was only natives that were so distinguished.

Think about it.

FCD 2-2 Bayou City Bad Boys

I believe I predicted Andre Rocha’s red card back in the first week of the season. Sure, I incorrectly guessed the method of the crime. But I believe that if Rocha knew a love tap was worthy of a red, he would’ve just hammer punched Eddie Robinson to at least make the red worth it. Someone really should hammer punch the Mike Tyson of MLS. Luckily for Robinson, Ricardo Clark is on his team, so at least his shoulder is safe. [Edit: The Goffster is reporting Robinson will receive an extra game suspension for his altercation with Rocha.]

We were once again out-passioned by the Houston fans. There weren’t really that many of them, probably a couple hundred. Still, if you didn’t look over at their section, you’d swear they had 4 sections. On top of that, this was a Wednesday night game. A re-scheduled Wednesday night at that. How did the Dynapoo get so many rowdy people up here in the middle of the week? I could give Houston the benefit of the doubt, say they have great fans, passionate supporters, wonderful organization. I could do that. But I won’t. Instead, I’ll speculate on the real reason they had all those fans:

1. AEG blew the stadium budget on malt liquor, which was distributed at 200 ft intervals along I-45. Homeless bums then slowly made their way up the state, becoming increasingly more inebriated. Whenever one would pass out, Oscar De La Hoya would punch them in the back of their head, forcing both vomiting and short-term memory loss, allowing them to continue their journey. Really they started the trip in white shirts, but by the time they arrived in Frisco, they were a “well-stained” orange hue thanks to the Goldenboy.

   

2. Those weren’t actually people. They were just over-sized fleas that spend most of the week residing in Dwayne DeRosario’s afro. You see, he can’t get rid of them permanently, but he’s worked out a deal that they leave his scalp just for games. This way his head doesn’t itch during games, and the fleas don’t have to put up with all the annoying spinning and bobbing he does all match.

   

3. Since your average Houston fan hasn’t done an honest day’s work in his life, having the game on Wednesday night was actually quite convenient. Welfare checks are dispensed on Monday. Hubcap stores do all their purchasing on Tuesday. By Thursday, both money sources have dried up, so they move on to drug deals. Friday they sleep in all day, because that’s their equivalent of a TGIF. On Saturday, they feel just a little bit guilty and so they go to confession. Sunday mornings they plan out their new, “respectable” lives, but forget about it by the afternoon. On Monday, the process repeats itself. See? There’s a nice spot on Wednesday where they have nothing to do, yet still have some cash.

   

4. Really, the people dressed up as Houston fans were just members of the Inferno, disillusioned by the firing of Steve Morrow. This theory has been rejected because the Inferno are never that loud.

FCD 1-2 Commerce City Crapids

If you told me Team A had two skillful strikes and Team B had a garbage goal, you’d have a difficult time convincing me that FCD was Team B (well, except for the losing part, I’d get that one easy). Normally it seems that we have both the moments of brilliance and the defensive blunders that lead to silly goals.

Juan Toja is just being played too far forward for this team. If we had any ability to possess in the midfield, especially in the central midfield, he’d be perfect playing a central attacking midfielder. Instead, he’s too far forward to help a lot in possession and to help much in defense (hence the dramatic reduction in his fouls), and not forward enough to get the ball on the attack, since we just boot it over his head anyway. The dude is clearly frustrated, and his play shows it. But maybe if he got more touches we’d see a different Toja. I’m wondering if we played more of a 3-3-2-2, he’d be playing closer to the center line. Something like this:

—-Cooper—Oduro—–
—–Toja—–Rocha—–
Wagner—Saragosa—Dax
Serioux—Davino—-Moor

Admittedly, I have no clue what I’m talking about when it comes to such things. But I’m pretty sure I’m right about what is affecting Toja, at least in part. Dave Dir mentioned this in the broadcast. Smart man, that Dave Dir. At the very least, give Toja a game in central midfield with Rocha as the AM to see if JT shows us some of what we know is there.

For the record, it is Tam McManus, not Tom McManus. Don’t believe me? Try Wikipedia: Tam McManus, Tom McManus. Its a Scottish thing. Having said that, he probably doesn’t care.

Many of you probably know I have a special place in my heart for Ray Burse Jr. He had one slight error and should have been about 6 inches closer to his inside post, but there was a comedy of defensive errors plus a touch of Scottish brilliance that led to that goal, so you can’t put it all on him. Besides, he had a pretty damn good game otherwise. Not bad for a guy working two jobs.

Minutiae

Do yourself a favor and stay at least 20 feet from a copy of Grand Theft Auto IV. If you want more stupid text imposed on random pictures and jokes about what else is in DeRo’s hair, then steal my copy.

Anyone looking to purchase some property in the south of Scotland?

and your Weekly Namesake Update
Came on in the 67th minute against Toronto FC. Chosen behind both Edson Buddle and Alan Gordon, but ahead of Landon Donovan (who, admittedly, has a knock).